


Dear Hinata

by groundkei



Series: HQ Angst Week 2020 [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Confession, Letters, M/M, Sad, kageyama sends hinata letters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-09
Updated: 2020-09-09
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:53:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,420
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26371486
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/groundkei/pseuds/groundkei
Summary: Hinata receives a love letter dated from a decade ago.
Relationships: Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio
Series: HQ Angst Week 2020 [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1997266
Comments: 7
Kudos: 76
Collections: Haikyuu Angst Week 2020





	Dear Hinata

**Author's Note:**

> HQ Angst Week Day 1  
> Prompt: "When did it all change?" 
> 
> ps. this is an old work of mine but I'm submitting it now for angst week :D enjoy!

Hinata receives the first letter on a Sunday morning.

He stares at his laptop screen, eyes unblinking and strained as he reads the date of when the letter was made. It dated back to a about decade ago, around the time just shortly after his first national. Who would send a letter to someone from the future, he wonders, as he lets his cursor hover over the numbers in the said date. A name makes its way into his mind. Familiar and fierce, a flutter of memories embedded to his soul. A glimpse of the past and the what if’s of it all. The gentle touch of an old friend. Something irreplaceable.

Kageyama Tobio.

It doesn’t make sense, Hinata thinks, as he scrolls down quietly to read the rest of the letter sent to his e-mail. His phone beside his desktop buzzes with an incoming text message, but he chooses to ignore it as he lets his eyes roam across the first words of the letter.

_ Dear Hinata, _

_ I don’t know if you would ever receive this letter in the future. I also do not know what I’m doing right now as I write this. I found this weird website recently where you could write something to someone in the future, and I thought I would give it a try. Hopefully you get to read this in the future. If you don’t, then whatever. It’s not a big deal, anyway. Why am I even writing this to you? Ugh. Stupid Hinata. _

Hinata feels a smile split his face in half, the familiar nickname that has been long since forgotten bringing back a train of memories that makes his heart weep. He faintly hears the familiar deep and gravelly voice of someone he used to know.  _ Hinata,  _ _ you _ _ dumbass! h _ e would be told over and over again.  _ Receive the ball! Stupid Hinata! Why can’t you serve the ball properly? Dumbass! _

The smile on his face slowly falls, and he takes the courage to slowly scroll down to read the next paragraphs.

_ We survived our first year,  _ _ you _ _ stupid tangerine. Are you proud of yourself? This year has been quite eventful for all of us, but perhaps it is the most eventful for you. The third years have recently just graduated, and seeing your crying face somehow made me feel irritated. Why do you have to cry, anyway? They're not dying, just leaving the team. It’s not the end of the world. We still have two more years of high school. We still have plenty of time to play, and even more time after that. _

_ Are you satisfied with what  _ _ you've _ _ achieved? I hope you are, because I am. Not for myself, though, but maybe for you. I don’t like saying this, you idiot, but I am proud of you. I really am. I’m proud to be able to toss to you and improve with you. I’ve learned a lot since I met you, Hinata, and as much as you irritate me all the damn time, I wouldn’t know what to do with myself if you leave me. Just the thought of it makes me hurt, but of course I’ll never tell that to you personally. I’m sure you won’t even be able to read this in the future, anyway. Ten years from now. Who knows what else could happen, then? _

_ Anyway, that’s not the reason why I'm writing this to you. Ugh. How do I even begin? Why am I suddenly at loss for words? It’s just you. _

_ Whatever. _

_ Hinata  _ _ Shoyo _ _. You’re so annoying and dumb and loud and irritating and overall obnoxious (did I use it right? Is my spelling correct?  _ _ Oboxious _ _?  _ _ Obnosious _ _? Tsukishima won’t tell me the right spelling, ugh.), but you are also one of the reasons why I keep on holding onto volleyball. I want to achieve my goals, to fly higher, but I realized that I would want to do all of that with you by my side. I want to fly higher with you, Hinata.  _

_ I like you. _

Hinata takes a deep breath, tearing his gaze away from the screen in silence. How many times has he heard Tobio tell him that? How long has it been since he last heard that?

I like you. I love you. Fast and resilient, deep and meaningful. How many times has he heard those words come out from Tobio’s mouth and feel nothing but the overflowing love the other has for him? How many years have passed, how long has it already been? I like you. I love you. Over and over again, from the moment he wakes up to the moment he falls asleep, how many times has he heard those words? They have lost their meaning gradually over the course of time. Hinata barely remembers how it used to feel now that all he can remember is the pain of the past, the what  if’s of it all. I like you. I love you. When did it ever change?

Sighing, he turns back to his computer to continue reading.

_ You’re probably laughing at me right now. If you are, stop it or I’ll punch you in the face. I’m being serious here. _

_ I really do like you. _

_ Ugh. _

_ I don’t know how or when it happened, or why it even happened for that matter. It’s just that, whenever I see you, I have this urge to just stick by your side all the time. You’re like a magnet, you know? And you always pull me into your direction no matter how hard I try to resist. I don’t know what is it about you, but one thing is for sure, I like you. _

_ When you got sick during nationals, you told me afterwards that you’re sorry, that it’s your fault that we lost. You blamed yourself for our team’s loss, but all I could think of during the moments when I felt your burning skin under my touch, when I saw you slowly losing your balance, was that I should protect you and do everything to keep you safe. I never felt so conflicted in my life. Half of me told me to keep up the fight, that we can do it even if you’re not in the court. We’re a team. We can definitely do it. But the other half of me screamed for your pain. I wanted to go to you, to soothe you and tell you that everything will be alright. It pained me to see you crying, to see you hurting. It also felt as though I was the one who was hurting. How long have you been in pain? Why didn’t you tell me? I could have helped  _ _ you, _ _ I could have taken care of you. When I see you  _ _ hurting _ _ , Hinata, I hope you know that I am hurting as well. _

_ I have learned – over the months and years that I’ve spent with volleyball – that pain is not something you can just remove easily. Pain will always be there, but I was told that pain will be less painful if someone is there to comfort you and stay by your side. I want to be that person for you, Hinata. I want to be the one to give you comfort and relief when you are in pain, I want to be the one you can hold onto whenever it gets hard, and I want to be able to always stay with you when things just doesn’t go right, because to me, you are that person. You are my person, Hinata. I look at you and I see a boy that taught me how to trust, how to yearn, how to be happy, how to love. It’s always you, Hinata. _

_ And I want it to always be with you. _

_ When the time comes, and you finally receive this letter, I hope that it is still you. _

_ I like you, Hinata. More than words could ever say.  _

_ Yours truly, _

_ Tobio _

Hinata sits frozen on his seat, eyes unblinking and red rimmed.

* * *

He receives the second letter during lunch in that same day, when the sun was up and shining on his cheeks, and it felt too hot for him to be able to properly move in comfort. His apartment is quieter than usual, and it felt colder. Emptier. He doesn’t know what to do.

He heaves out a heavy sigh, one hand hovering over his mouse while the other remains resting on his lap, tightly clenched. He stares at the new e-mail in his inbox. It was dated back to around eight years ago, around the time before his third year in Karasuno started. Just the thought of it makes his stomach churn. He already has an idea, but he doesn’t think he would be able to read the contents of the letter without falling apart.

Hesitantly, he clicks on the letter and starts to read.

_ Dear Hinata, _

_ You are  _ _ amazing _ _. You are magnificent. Every inch of you. _

_ I’ve always dreamed of you confessing to me, and I’ve always dreamed of myself knowing how to respond and how to act when the time finally comes. I dream of smiling at you in glee, my tongue sure of the words I am to speak to you. I always dream of holding your hands afterwards, and I dream of kissing you with the promises you have told me. _

_ When you confessed to me this morning – it already feels as though it was miles away, you staring up to me with your eyes wide and searching – my tongue had become a knot, and my heart became a vessel of fulfilled hopes and dreams. I thought I would be able to tell you everything I have been wishing to tell you, I thought I would be able to hold your hands and kiss you like in my dreams, but when you told me that you like me – you, Hinata Shoyo, like me – words suddenly became meaningless to me, and my tongue, the same one I have always used to call for you, became disposable. _

_ Words could never amount to my feelings for you. I have yet to find the right words for my love for you, and I wish for you to still be by my side when I do. _

_ Hinata, I like you, too. No, scratch that.  _

_ I love you. _

_ I  _ _ always _ _ have. In the midst of waiting for you, I have realized that what I am feeling isn’t just mere attraction but something that will last for all eternity.  _

_ “I like you, and I want to be with you until we grow old,” you told me. Me too, Hinata. I want to grow old with you and spend the rest of my days here with you; but I also want to be with you for our next lives. We may be young now – mere teenagers who yearn and dream – but I will always be so sure of you and my future with you. I want to stay with you until we grow old, until our hair turns  _ _ gray _ _ and the corners of our eyes are wrinkled and old, until our limbs are already too weak for us to keep playing. I still want to be with you, then. And even after that, when our bodies have amounted to nothing, when our ashes are nothing but mere specs of dust in the wind, I would still want to be with you. _

_ My love for you will always find you, even in the afterlife. _

_ I hope you know that. _

_ Forever and always, _

_ Tobio _

Hinata lets out a breath. A sigh so quiet you barely hear it. Where did he go wrong? After years and years of yearning, years of hurting and desperation, why does he only think of it now after the tides have turned into quiet lapping over the shore, after the wind has stopped its whistling? Where did he go wrong? Where did they go wrong?

They had dreams, dreams to fulfil together, dreams for their careers, dreams for themselves. They had dreams. Where did  _ they  _ go wrong? Who is to blame?

Their love for each other, how flawed was it for them to break? How much of it were lies? Dream and promises, where did they all go? Why did they all have to shatter?

_ My love for you will always find you. _

Hinata closes his eyes.  _ I’m right here. _

* * *

He doesn’t open his e-mail for the rest for the day. By the time the next morning came, his heart had already been drumming inside his chest, and he felt like throwing up.

He knows there is another letter, there has to be. It shouldn’t end there.

He sees two unread e-mails. One from seven years ago, and another one from around five years ago.

He clicks on the first one and starts to read.

_ Dear Hinata, _

_ You’re not serious about Brazil, right? I hope you’re not. We still have dreams to achieve, remember? You and I together, you haven’t forgotten, right?  _

_ You’d rather stay here with me. You promised. Our dreams, Hinata. Remember our dreams. _

_ I love you, I always will. I know you won’t ever leave me. I know you wouldn’t do that. You promised me. This is just a bump in the road, we’ll get through this. We’ll stay together and fly higher together. Right? You promised me. _

_ Remember our promise. _

_ Love, _

_ Tobio _

_ “ _ F-fuck...” A single tear falls from the side of Hinata’s eyes, his breathing ragged. He puts a hand over his mouth to refrain himself from crying out loud.

Promises. They said promises are meant to be broken, but why did theirs have to break as well? Why did they have to break? Where did they go wrong?

I like you. I love you. Promise me you’ll stay with me. Promise me you’ll never leave. We’ll fly high together. Together. Our dreams. You and I.

Us.

With bleary eyes, he clicks on the remaining letter. It only had five words in it, but they were enough to cut through his soul and rip him to shreds.

_ Come back to me. Please. _

Hinata cries, and he continues to cry. He rests his forehead against his desk, and he keeps on crying. Where did he go wrong?

The letters finally stopped coming.

* * *

A week later, Hinata sits on the same spot in front of his computer, eyes red rimmed and unblinking as he stares at the blinking cursor on his blank document.

Then, he starts to write.

_ Dear Kageyama... _

**Author's Note:**

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